And 2 years later…

February the 1st.

I’m no longer 15. I’m17, and in 10 months I’ll be 18. 

Sometimes I get the feeling that when I was 15 I was more mature, more smart, more happy. I had what I wanted. If I wanted something I would get it. Now I’m so dumb. I’m no longer on Jr. High School. Now I don’t know why i had that rush that I had to enter High School. I hate this place and I miss Jr. High.

That boyfriend I posted about is no longer my boyfriend, but we are really goodf riends. And as I supposed you guessed, my male best friend (my only best friend now) is my boyfriend. 

I love him. I really do. Is just that, he changed. We are in separate high schools. He’s happy in his, he got to meet new friends. But this friends changed him intosomething I can’t call my best friend. He’s everything I thought he wouldn’t be. But those imperfections, I love them. I feel that I can loose him easily because everyone in his high school likes him. Sometimes I feel that it is impossible to be with him. I have to make a lot of effort to keep being with him. Maybe because it is impossible, I crave him the most. Like a drug.

I don’t  like being that way. I really hate it. 

I dropped off the IB program I talked about before. The pressure was just too much for me. 

I have no close friends. I have no one beside him. My parents are the most impossible things. My mom just won’t stop critizising me and my dad just wants to take everything I love, like dancing. 

After reading again my past posts, all the stuff I said I would be, or my goals, I didn’t accompliched them. If that 15 year old girl I used to be could see me now, she would be dissappointed.

I have nothing to hold on to in this life. I really have no where to go. My house is like going to hell and my high school is the most hated place by me. I really hate people. 

song of the day: trading yesterday-shattered

Quote: If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment. – Henry David Thoreau


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