And 2 years later…

February the 1st.

I’m no longer 15. I’m17, and in 10 months I’ll be 18. 

Sometimes I get the feeling that when I was 15 I was more mature, more smart, more happy. I had what I wanted. If I wanted something I would get it. Now I’m so dumb. I’m no longer on Jr. High School. Now I don’t know why i had that rush that I had to enter High School. I hate this place and I miss Jr. High.

That boyfriend I posted about is no longer my boyfriend, but we are really goodf riends. And as I supposed you guessed, my male best friend (my only best friend now) is my boyfriend. 

I love him. I really do. Is just that, he changed. We are in separate high schools. He’s happy in his, he got to meet new friends. But this friends changed him intosomething I can’t call my best friend. He’s everything I thought he wouldn’t be. But those imperfections, I love them. I feel that I can loose him easily because everyone in his high school likes him. Sometimes I feel that it is impossible to be with him. I have to make a lot of effort to keep being with him. Maybe because it is impossible, I crave him the most. Like a drug.

I don’t  like being that way. I really hate it. 

I dropped off the IB program I talked about before. The pressure was just too much for me. 

I have no close friends. I have no one beside him. My parents are the most impossible things. My mom just won’t stop critizising me and my dad just wants to take everything I love, like dancing. 

After reading again my past posts, all the stuff I said I would be, or my goals, I didn’t accompliched them. If that 15 year old girl I used to be could see me now, she would be dissappointed.

I have nothing to hold on to in this life. I really have no where to go. My house is like going to hell and my high school is the most hated place by me. I really hate people. 

song of the day: trading yesterday-shattered

Quote: If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment. – Henry David Thoreau

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nana

I hate girls that act as if they are older.

That’s my point today.

Why do they do that? I mean, I’m talking about a girl that is 1 year younger than me and she acts as a 18 year old vorexic girl. She is literally insane. I don’t mean to be rude, but is like everytime I see her she’s saying something about abs or somthings like that. Though she doesn’t eat meat. She excersies 4 day a week at a gym then 5 times week, does any dancing excersise. At that age, I had some issues with food, though I still have them, but I have them since I was in 5th grade and I didn’t do it on purprs, I just stopped eating for my sake because my mom told me I was fat. Nobody tells her she’s fat. She does it because she doesn’t know what is like when you didn’t wish you had that type of desea.

Now let’s talk about even younger than 14 years. Like 11 years old. Okay so I have seen this girls with blackberries, wearing such miniskirts and wearing clothes that runway models use

Well I really get curious, that’s it.

The issues in our country is our fault

You know about all th stuff that’s going on in Mexico abou the insecurity and all that stuff? You know who’s fault is it? It is not all because of the government. It’s the whole way around! Is ours!

This is something personal but I have to spill it out without so many details

A very close person was kidnapped on Sunday. You would say “wow is only been a day!” truth is that it might but yesterday was the longest day I’ve ever hard.

Everything started at 4 a.m. My mom woke me up and told me to grab all my stuff and that we should get out of there NOW. I agreed and do everything as my parents told me. On my way to my grandma’s house they explained that that family member was kidnapped. They were told by a worker of that family member. They were arriving to their office and then some guys got him and hit my family member’s worker got almost killed by all the bruises.

I went to my grandma’s at 5. It was really intense. My heart was beating as if it was a mouse’s. I try to sleep but I couldn’t. The people that kidnapped him wanted tons of money. They knew how many cars and motorcycles we had and they wanted most of them. We have them 2 cars, to motorcycles, and 2,000 dls. They still wanted more (until now they still want more) it’s a price way to high and I’m afraid of posting it.

My mom tried to call the military but guess the fuck what! They were tired because they had a long night. WHAT! WHAT KIND OF EXCUSE IS THAT.

Anyways this taught me something. They didn’t go because we cannot trust them at all. They won’t go anywhere unless is government issue. A few moments ago I was told that my father saw them wandering around the office. Guess what? ANYONE would get an advantage of that situation and take a picture and send it to the police or something. They didn’t just because they didn’t wanted to. So it’s not only the government’s fault. Is ours. What if by just that photos they get the faces and if someone knew them they would know! Anyways if it was up to me I would have them on the jail by now. But I’m young. They don’t listen. I told them any way I could help or any way that would work. They didn’t listen. We are the corrupt government too. If we don’t give a change we would keep on like this. I also told them we should move and they didn’t understand. I know that fleeing is wrong but this is for the best. And maybe I would move. I don’t know.

RandomlyRandom LOLing

This day was actually weird. Well, random, the same.

At first, I hit myself on my desk and y nail is broken:(. The my schoolbag hurted my leg making a big scar. My best friend made my finger get bruised.

Then I went to the mall. When I arrived a friend called Orlando had a big huge cow (not a real one). I went to see the Ritowith my boyfriend at the theater. When the movie was over,  my boyfriend went to a flight to Mexico City. Then I was compeltely ALONE at the mall and my mom won’t come till 9!

So I called my boy best friend to ask him what was he doing. When he said that he was at the mall i went with him. Then some friends arrived. When I was with my best friend I saw the three best friends of my boyfriend staring at me and my boy best friend. Rugh. Well, when I realized we were 20 friends at the mall desiding which movie to see. I wasn’t in mood to see another movie so I stayed with Paloma and Fer. Unfortunately they left at 8, leaving me (again) alone. So I asked my boy best friendwhere was he(again) and his friends. He was watching a movie, the same one which I saw with my boyfriend. I didn’t have money, so my boy est friend payed  my ticket.  So I watched half of the Rito movie (again)

Like this day actually(:

Don’t wanna hurt anymore

Sorry for not posting. I’m havin really hard times lately.

Well basically everything started 2 weeks ago. A girl which I thought was my best friend, invented a rumor about me kissing my best male friend just to bother her crush. Huh, funny. I didn’t actually know aout this rumor and guess who told me about it? Yup, my boyfriend did. Supposley, my ex bff crush told him. And of course he was pissed. I was more because of the facts that i was betrayed by my own best friend and the fact that myboyfriend didn’t even trust me.

So this lasted like 4 day but I’ve been really depressed ever since. I really don’t know why. I had a crush on my male friend but I guess I don’t have that crush on him anymore. But anyways, being betrayed is the worst thing you could ever expect of someone you thought you could trust.

Well yes, truth is IHAVE a crush on my boy best friend. But I have to cope with it right? Anyways I have a boyfriend who I really can’t leave without, and that I love way so much!

And besides all of that I’m dealing with all the stress of school. My grades are so damn bad. I study, I really do try my best, but seems like my brain collapses everytime I see an exam!! Though on my PAA i got 1380 points out of 1600:D But seems like my average just wont get higher! And with the points i got on the AAP por whatever is that called i get an scholarship, but i have to get an average really high. Besdies that I have to get a higher average also because i have to enter to the IB program:(

SO MUCH DAMN STRESS! And It really hurts to see my boyfriend hugging another girl-.-what shall i do with my life? any suggestions?

Song of the day: You’re not sorry- Taylor Swift (for obvious reasons)

Umm hello?

There are no words to explain myself. I’m not even sure if I can be explained. No one knows who I am (except if you are reading this “blog”) I have to learn to breath deeply and understand that not everything is lies. And I have to trust no matter what. Two days ago I had a fight with my boy friend. At first when we arrive to the mall everything was perfectly fine, but I had to find the way to tell him that I felt weird this days, and that I wasn’t on my period -.- Well but when we came out of the movies we had like an hour for my mom to come for me. So we started to walk all over the mall. Then suddenly a topic came out. He started to talk about how he went the day before that one to the movies with his friend and two other girl friends. And that on the movies they sat this way: Him/girl/girl/his friend And he told me that his friend started to make out with the girl beside him. I asked him that which girls were those, he said that he always meet them on the mall, always by accident. I knew they were accidents but since 2 weeks ago some friends had told me that they’ve seen him with this girl. And so, I told him. That I didn’t like him going out with those girls. He said that they were only friends. I already knew that but I didn’t want my friends telling me that he was going out with some other girl. And yeah, I got mad. He started to freak out (in a silence way). We continue walking in a non stopping way. Suddenly we got to one of the food courts on the bottom part. I asked him that what we could do next, he told me that he wanted to sit and talk. So we did. He told me that they were only friends, which I didn’t need to worry about them, that when he met them were just accidents. I knew he was worried with me being mad with him, I could tell it by his face. He seemed lost on his world of thoughts. I told him that was going to forget this, that I just needed a little while to relax, but if somebody told me that they saw him with this girl (specially one called Sandra, really don’t care about the other) my anger wouldn’t seize that easily. He saw me with those eyes that he was even more worried. We continued walking and we came to this part kind of hidden (almost not that visited) where there was an exit. I hadn’t grabbed his hand since. He grabbed my hand, I didn’t back off, but then he started walking to the exit, I hesitated and he saw it. He told me to go with him. When I hesitated I swear I felt how my face went like if he was a stranger, and his went like if I was a stranger which he was totally in love with. We went out and a chill went through my spine. He started to tell me that I was and that I would only be the only one. That he damn love me ( he didn’t say damn, but it was a way to explain it in short words). And then I told him the truth. That I hated him with other girls because I hated when it “appears” to be cheating on me, no matter what, and hated the most when they say no and I already knew the truth. Then the tears started flowing. Tons of memories with my ex came back, and how he acted as if he didn’t care when we broke up (which yeah he didn’t cared). He grabbed me close to him, of course I didn’t back off, instead I put my face on his shoulder and started to cry my guts out. When I tried to pull my head off from his shoulder I saw how my eye liner was on his shirt and how my tears where in there too. He took the tears left on my cheeks. He told me that he didn’t knew how important was jealousy for me. He already knew about what happened with my ex. Then everything went normal. Then today, I went with my BF, Sammy, Mariana, Sergio (not my ex), Norbert, Emma and Vero to watch a movie. When we bought our tickets, guess who I found. Yep, my ex. Urgh, really disgusting to see him now, though I didn’t saw him really well because Emma and Sammy went with him and took him off, (thank you guys). Though I actually wanted to say hi to him but nah, who cares? He doesn’t, neither do I so there was no problem. Then I realized that he is now a total stranger. I don’t even know who he is. Best for me .D

New Year weird dream part 2

So we saw all thes human people i was so excited! There was life in here besides those Assdins! (wow i rarely remember when i said that)

I came to an old lady, whom i sacred the shit out of her. But she didn’t scream -maybe because she knew that those Assdins couldn’t abotu they still leaving an almost normal life.

I apologize and she said she was glad that we were not those things.  I asked that if there was more people than those in the Home Depot park lot.

She sai yes, that there was hundreds of people, mostly starving, but like her, they were tons. But maybe like 500 (as in our cave). That the rest of them went out of town. I wished that my dad was still here on Switzerland. She told us that people still brought the exports here. But that they just leave it around as if they didn’t care. And that this place was safe because the Assdins were only interested on the other side of the town (the one we passed through a while ago) and she didn’t know why. But that if we wanted to get inside a house we had to know at least 6 times. That everyone left on the town new that.

I thanked her, and we left. And yes everything was so calm here. I could see people still scared but guess they were all used to it by now. I told my friends i owed them tons, and they said, as i expected “we wanted to get the hell out of there and had the adventures we had five years ago, but that these was over the expectations”

I got to my home finally. I knocked wishing that my dad would answer.

“OH DAD YOU DIDN’T LEAVE”

he hugged me and i swear i was crying the guts out of me. And i felt how dog was lumping on me and my friends.

My house was all dirty and smelled funny. I went to my room. Wow. It was purple, and dirty. My bed was just as I left it. I t wasn’t made.  and wow, it was really surprising and nostalgious. The pictures of my friends were on the walls, as same as i left them. Fabi told me that it was cute from my pat to have pictures of them on my room. I had pictures from the four of us.

My dog was old now. He was 9 years. he was thin but he looked healthy. Most of my family was on the caves and i’m talking about my mom’s mom and dad.  The rest of my family was on the USA. Wish i was them.

We came back with my dad (and dog) to the caves. My mom went as hapy as i never seen her, And yeah she got mad at me for not telling her i was in search of my dad.

And blah blah blah, Suddenly the Army came and got rid of those Assdins and we left happily ever after.

PDI was told by the one who was theleader in the caves that i had to get pregnant and fortunatly i woke up x)

 

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